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Uncredited

Review

Newly restored to DVD! From early gay cinema, The Mueller Tapes centers around a psychologist wanting to prove that gay sex is just as normal as straight sex. He finds a willing reporter to watch a few tapes, and gives him some insights (among other things!)

Another classic from the Bijou Library, this one revolves around a young student who is shown a variety of gay sex films, ostensibly to illustrate the exhaustive erotic research performed by the titular Dr. Mueller.

Shot entirely on film, the five vignettes offer up a variety of scenarios ranging from cross-dressing to light S/M. Featuring no famous names (but lots of famous music), this flick is nonetheless well shot and would be a welcome addition to any collection of vintage features. Additionally, and unlike many films of this genre, this one not only entertains in a nostalgic and campy way but generates real heat in several scenes, especially with the extensive close up work on untrimmed dicks probing furry assholes.

One Bijou reviewer wrote:

Anyone born before 1970 will recognize the Ford Montego in the opening shot, a tank's worth of Detroit steel, which transports our young reporter to Dr. Mueller's and perfectly sets the atmosphere for the vintage footage that's in store. With his outrageous sideburns and foot-wide necktie, "Mr. Vincent" is every inch the Me Decade grad student as he trots across the street with his briefcase en route to interview Dr. Mueller concerning his "recently published paper" entitled "Homosexual Variations." Dr. Mueller is somewhat sartorially challenged, as it turns out, with Foster Grants and a Peter Allen wardrobe, and he invites our young hero into his backyard where the pair watches films illustrating the gay sex investigated in Dr. Mueller's academic opus through what looks like a viewmaster.

First up, we're treated to a pair of skinny guys on a bed in a paneled room slowly working up erections to the tinkle of a xylophone on the soundtrack. With long, dark hair, these are generic dudes without much spice save for a leather armband on one of them. The "leather" dude produces a small dildo which he screws up his partner's ass before penetrating him with his own dick in a very close up shot which shows off a lot of untrimmed fuzz on both men.

Dr. Mueller interrupts before the cumshots, however, and introduces two "college" men, rail thin and shaggy haired, at play on a bed in their underwear accompanied by, I kid you not, the theme from "Love Story." Someone alert Paramount Pictures now concerning a possible royalties issue. Unfortunately, neither man is as hunky as Ryan O'Neal in that 1970 classic, but the guys radiate an innocence rarely seen in porn today. In fact, the younger looking of the two has a butt like a 12 year old -- tight, creamy white and about 1 foot wide.

After trading pokes with a small vibrator (another rare treat rarely seen anymore), the guys jack off and kiss before coupling for the cameraman, who zooms in on their huge loose ball sacs bouncing to the fuck rhythm.

After small cumshots from the pair, the leisure-suited Dr. M. introduces an amusing transvestite episode, wherein a blonde in a minidress entertains a fuzzy-headed playa in her apartment featuring one of those beds which pulls down out of the wall. After her pantyhose come down, however, in the words of Austin Powers, it's a man, baby! With his grin belying his "shock," the visitor is soon going down on his "hostess," who has on vixenish makeup that rivals Divine's in one of her classic roles. Eventually s/he doffs her wig, fellates her trick, then rolls on her tummy and takes it up the ass from his smallish dink which he grinds into her before spurting a meager load.

S/M is on the good doctor's menu next, and the scene plays out to the funky theme from another 70s flick -- "Shaft." Members of the Academy, give this one an Oscar for brazenly ripping off the best song of the year! The sequence is actually quite hot, featuring a blond, mop-haired guy who throws his partner on the bed and covers his mouth with duct tape. The blond is all over his brunet partner, licking and sucking like a bitch in heat before he shoves a vibrator up his buddy's asshole. The blond's dick is stubby but with an enormous head, and the pumping jams give way to a lonely trumpet as he penetrates the brunet, eventually taking the vibrator himself in what Dr. Mueller tells is a "reversal of the roles." The blond's crack is super furry and his huge ballsac hangs impressively while he gets plowed his former "prisoner" in a flurry of barefeet, fuzzy legs and genUinely passionate French kissing.

In the final illustrative film, Dr. M. informs us that "all males enjoy anal sex," and he makes his point with two pale white guys, one of whom sports a rockabilly pompadour, making out on a bed to the strains of a tinkly cocktail lounge piano. As the soundtrack gives way to what sounds like a psycho beach party circus organ, the skinny dudes fuck with awesome close up shots of the penetration, including one of a tight cherry hole getting popped by a rubberless thickheaded dong which is worthy of several instant replays.

The final conclusions of Dr. M's research, you ask? "Anal and oral sex are equally enjoyed by homosexuals, " he proclaims with a wink, inviting our young student inside for one-on-one tutoring. Indeed! Cheers Dr. Mueller!

An all around classic, this one is distinguished by its campy interview theme, hip soundtrack and frenetic bareback action.

The entire film holds together nicely, and it will no doubt get laughs and get you off at the same time.

Especially of interest to collectors of 70s vintage porn, this one will not disappoint. -- DB

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