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 Yes, I saw the neighbors having sex. No, I was not sitting there with binoculars. Yes, I am a voyeur, and I admit. But, when four sets of neighbors never, and I say never, shut their blinds, a quick walk by my dining room neighbor sometimes becomes more of a lengthy detour. I live in an apartment building which is very close to another apartment building. I call that building the cool hipster artist/young academic building. Cheap, small, vintage apartments. I happen to know the manager, who just got his MFA. I had to mention to him that someone has placed a purple light in his/her living room window. Why? It's so purple, so bright, that one can see it from down the block. It even casts a purple glow in my dining room if I turn the lights off. I think it's some kind of “grow light.”  He told them to put a shade over it as someone else in my building had complained. The shade looked like a bedsheet (lovely). That solution lasted for about a month. Now the shade is gone, the purple light is off, and they are now having sex in front of the window. No, it's not a gay couple. (There is a guy on the second floor in the tier next to them I am sure is gay because he has a huge, literally huge Liza Minnelli poster on his dining nook wall.) It's a twenty-something guy who looks scruffy and bearish. He has a gut. I know, because I saw it on Saturday night. His girlfriend is thinner, actually thin. I actually noticed her first (I made sure to turn my lights off, because as one of my friends urged, if you are going to spy, do that.)  I did a double-take. Uh, she is naked. I could see her breasts. OMG. Then she disappeared in front of a couch. The guy with the gut was still standing. Above her. I guess she was on the floor. I saw him take out a phone and take pictures. Hmm … kind of kinky, maybe. I then saw her on her knees. But not for long. Both of them disappeared in front of that couch. After that point, I lost interest, but I made a couple of trips to the living room and noticed them walking around, still naked. Then the male (possibly gay) neighbor downstairs from them, the one with immaculately kept house (I always seem him dusting and swiffering), the antique lamps (I think he's got a Tiffany, I am so jealous), and the cute cat, suddenly turns his light on. I am sure purple light kinky couple woke him up.  I decided after than night that channeling Gladys Kravitz on Saturday night is not going to get me a husband. Still, with the cost of just living in Chicago skyrocketing, finding any form of free entertainment is heartening. Maybe one night I might catch a glimpse of the Liza Minnelli poster twink doing something. Actually, I did catch a glimpse of his ass in a pair of really tight shorts one night. But he was alone. Like me. |
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